I believe we all have secrets. I have some very scary ones. Some of which no one in the world will know. I am to scared to tell people or try to get help. I tried once. Tried to get help. This person was named Don, don kept telling me that I am strong and a winner. Do not let people tell me differently. That I will get through this.The thing is, that is what every single person who does not understand says. Then the day came. The one I knew was coming. That day was today. The day I made it official that I give up.
My mom said she has only heard me say I though I looked pretty once. I am Insecure always feeling alone. Even though I know I have people who love me. I do not even let people in. No one knows what I have been through. I have lost more people I can count on my two hands and then some. I know I am so lucky to be living in a home, with a family. Does that mean that I am automatically supposed to be happy. I will tell you something. I am not. I drive around for hours with nowhere to go. The feeling, like I am a complete burden. I am no winner, and I am not strong..
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
My Story..(Part 1)
I never really introduced myself. I guess I did not think it was necessary. I never believed anyone was really listening. I mean in reality no one really does..Everyone is so focused on themselves nowadays, that you start to believe you are talking to yourself. I have a good life.. in perspective of others. I have a good mum and dad. A sweet sister and a old cat. That is really it. People don't care enough to dig deep into peoples emotions and past and see whats underneath the surface. Everyone thinks that their own life has more troubles then anyone else's. Maybe you do.... I do not know your story, your life. But you don't know mine either..
My Name is Sarah Stafford, and this is part 1 to my story.
I was born in San Diego, California to an amazing mum and dad. I grew up with a very good family, and great people around me. But I was always a little out of place.. even now. Soon little sister Natalie was born. After she was born we moved houses, not far but far enough for me. Still the same state same family. But not the same people. Like I said before , im a little different. Not crazy, but it takes a lot of time for me to break down my walls and open up. I am so energetic and always smiling. My mom thinks I am the most popular person in school. But she really doesn't understand that.. I am not. In a way I am kind of a loser. Even when I was little. It seemed like I had a lot of friends, but I didn't. They would use me. Talk bad about me to my face.. and I would just take it.. because I didn't want to be alone.
When I moved to CV I got 3 people who I connected with right away. My 2 Best friends to this day and a girl named Kailee who is a great friend of mine. Honestly I don't know if I would have any confidence at all if I didn't know her. She always knows what to say. She always asks if I'm alright. She has been there for me since day 1 and I'm so lucky to have her. Toni and Celeste, well they always try to get me out of the house. Introduced to people they hang with and now have a group of us that I tell everything to. I'm lucky to have all of them. But, there are those moment where in a room full of people who say they are my friends, I feel so alone. Like the room is cold and quiet with no one but myself just standing there. I know that a lot of people get that way. Its depression its gets to the best of us. But no one can really tell with me. I'm always putting on a fake smile and saying everything is fine. Not everything is fine, I'm just to scared people are going to judge me if I say how I am feeling. I have wrote about this a lot but people just don't seem to understand how hard it is to deal with myself. It just well SUCKS.
I have talked about my flaws and how I grew up, where I am going an what I want to do. But I am only Half way to the adventures and more to write about later. So this is part one to my story. More to learn and more to come. :)
I know today this might not make any sense, but hopefully one day I will get to tell my whole story an someone will listen.
My Name is Sarah Stafford, and this is part 1 to my story.
I was born in San Diego, California to an amazing mum and dad. I grew up with a very good family, and great people around me. But I was always a little out of place.. even now. Soon little sister Natalie was born. After she was born we moved houses, not far but far enough for me. Still the same state same family. But not the same people. Like I said before , im a little different. Not crazy, but it takes a lot of time for me to break down my walls and open up. I am so energetic and always smiling. My mom thinks I am the most popular person in school. But she really doesn't understand that.. I am not. In a way I am kind of a loser. Even when I was little. It seemed like I had a lot of friends, but I didn't. They would use me. Talk bad about me to my face.. and I would just take it.. because I didn't want to be alone.
When I moved to CV I got 3 people who I connected with right away. My 2 Best friends to this day and a girl named Kailee who is a great friend of mine. Honestly I don't know if I would have any confidence at all if I didn't know her. She always knows what to say. She always asks if I'm alright. She has been there for me since day 1 and I'm so lucky to have her. Toni and Celeste, well they always try to get me out of the house. Introduced to people they hang with and now have a group of us that I tell everything to. I'm lucky to have all of them. But, there are those moment where in a room full of people who say they are my friends, I feel so alone. Like the room is cold and quiet with no one but myself just standing there. I know that a lot of people get that way. Its depression its gets to the best of us. But no one can really tell with me. I'm always putting on a fake smile and saying everything is fine. Not everything is fine, I'm just to scared people are going to judge me if I say how I am feeling. I have wrote about this a lot but people just don't seem to understand how hard it is to deal with myself. It just well SUCKS.
I have talked about my flaws and how I grew up, where I am going an what I want to do. But I am only Half way to the adventures and more to write about later. So this is part one to my story. More to learn and more to come. :)
I know today this might not make any sense, but hopefully one day I will get to tell my whole story an someone will listen.
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